Chicken Gone Bad ...


I’ve decided to live on the edge.

By eschewing a SEO-friendly headline, I run the risk of attracting readers researching salmonella in poultry.

When this post actually reflects a rumble through the KFC website where I came across a section called “Picnic Planning.”

At this point I’m thinking this could make a terrific mini case study on thought leadership. After all, one doesn’t intuitively associate a fried chicken company helping the customer in ways that go beyond a bucket of wings.

Then, I read the copy.

How can I put this?

It’s not exactly tadpole science.

Let’s review the section point-by-point starting with the “Do”:

Make a timeline of everything that needs to be done. A party planning checklist can become your best friend when you’re in a time crunch.

Thank you, Martha, and way to push the language envelope with the phrase, “time crunch.”

Make sure to take pictures of ALL your guests, not just your favorite few.

I’m sorry, but this is just flat bad advice. If I took my Aunt Zelda’s picture, she would crush me.

Send out thank you notes to those guests who came bearing gifts. A nice touch is to include a photo of that person at the party.

Ok, now I’m connecting the dots. Take a photo of all guests who bring gifts (“bear gifts” makes it sound like we’re colonists meeting with locals).

Ask for help! Since a picnic is such an informal occasion, it’s okay to ask guests and family members to help pitch in. Be sure to have tasks/suggestions ready.

As my wife has proved time and time again with our kids, asking is the easy part. It’s the reciprocal action that gets tricky.

Now comes the “Don’t:

Forget to give your guests fair warning.

Fair warning? Do the guests need to walk across a bed of hot coals before they can roast their marshmallows?

Forget to ask the neighbors to an outdoor party to avoid hurt feelings or annoyance with the noise level. It’s a thoughtful-and smart-gesture.

Not so fast. Your precious picnic invitation can serve as a nice piece of leverage; i.e., trim that avocado tree hanging over our yard or bear (now that’s how you use this verb) the consequences.

Forget to bring extra chairs and portable tables for last-minute guests.

Did the picnic move? I thought it was at the casa where chairs and tables should be in storage (remember we don’t want to annoy the neighbors).

Perhaps KFC should replace this section with “How To Liven Up a Picnic,” an approach with endless storytelling possibilities.

I can see it now.

If you offer a tatoo station, the works of art should be tasteful and non Goth.


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