I got a kick out of the City of Middleton’s proclamation.
Typically, these types of proclamations are the epitome of dull, paying proper homage to the topic at hand and being careful not to offend anyone.
Not the case for the mustard evangelists.
It’s not enough that mustardites praise the virtue of the yellow stuff.
WHEREAS mustard makes people smart, attractive, lucid, clever, kind, and condimentally correct …
And call out Middleton as a ketchup-free zone.
In addition to touting the virtues of mustard, they attack ketchup with certain verve:
WHEREAS, according to the National Condiment Research Council 2010 Annual Report, “ketchup is now the leading cause of childhood stupidity.”
I admire the mustard movement’s attempt to apply storytelling techniques to a proclamation.
I’m not sure blaming ketchup for childhood stupidity quite hits the mark.