White House Offers Lesson in How Not to Persuade

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

I intended to slide into the holiday on a happy note.

But I can’t leave alone the White House statement on Saudi Arabia and the murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi.

It turns out that Trump didn’t care whether Saudi Arabia’s crown prince, Mohammed bin Salman, was behind the murder or not. He was going to continue to stand at his side, giving us this narrative which I’ve broken down with commentary.

 

The world is a very dangerous place!

Commentary: No need to wait for the rationalization for the murder of a journalist. The lead sentence tells us that dangers lurk around every corner, meaning governments must take on the characteristics of crime syndicates and silence those who question their authority.

The country of Iran, as an example, is responsible for a bloody proxy war against Saudi Arabia in Yemen, trying to destabilize Iraq’s fragile attempt at democracy, supporting the terror group Hezbollah in Lebanon, propping up dictator Bashar Assad in Syria (who has killed millions of his own citizens), and much more. Likewise, the Iranians have killed many Americans and other innocent people throughout the Middle East. Iran states openly, and with great force, “Death to America!” and “Death to Israel!” Iran is considered “the world’s leading sponsor of terror.”

Commentary: By this dot-connecting logic, all governments who line up against Iran have impunity to kill people. OK, I’m now getting the drift on why he called the world a “dangerous place.”

On the other hand, Saudi Arabia would gladly withdraw from Yemen if the Iranians would agree to leave. They would immediately provide desperately needed humanitarian assistance. Additionally, Saudi Arabia has agreed to spend billions of dollars in leading the fight against Radical Islamic Terrorism.

Commentary: Isn’t it wonderful that the Saudis are against terrorism? Of course, the fact that an individual walks into its consulate in Turkey and gets killed and dismembered with a bone saw has nothing to do with terrorism.

After my heavily negotiated trip to Saudi Arabia last year, the Kingdom agreed to spend and invest $450 billion in the United States. This is a record amount of money. It will create hundreds of thousands of jobs, tremendous economic development, and much additional wealth for the United States. Of the $450 billion, $110 billion will be spent on the purchase of military equipment from Boeing, Lockheed Martin, Raytheon and many other great U.S. defense contractors. If we foolishly cancel these contracts, Russia and China would be the enormous beneficiaries — and very happy to acquire all of this newfound business. It would be a wonderful gift to them directly from the United States!

Commentary: What a shocking development. Trump further rationalizes his decision to stay the course with Saudi Arabia because there’s money to be had. As an aside, what exactly does he mean by “heavily negotiated trip”? Did he bicker with Emirates to secure a first-class seat at a discounted rate or secure extra hot towels?

The crime against Jamal Khashoggi was a terrible one, and one that our country does not condone. Indeed, we have taken strong action against those already known to have participated in the murder. After great independent research, we now know many details of this horrible crime. We have already sanctioned 17 Saudis known to have been involved in the murder of Mr. Khashoggi, and the disposal of his body.

Commentary: Now there’s a strong verb, “sanctioned.” You “sanction” Microsoft for forcing computer makers to include their applications with the operating system. You don’t “sanction” Charles Manson after he goes on a killing spree.

Representatives of Saudi Arabia say that Jamal Khashoggi was an “enemy of the state” and a member of the Muslim Brotherhood, but my decision is in no way based on that — this is an unacceptable and horrible crime. King Salman and Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman vigorously deny any knowledge of the planning or execution of the murder of Mr. Khashoggi. Our intelligence agencies continue to assess all information, but it could very well be that the Crown Prince had knowledge of this tragic event — maybe he did and maybe he didn’t!

Commentary: Huh? Your pal the Crown Prince let you in on a little secret, that this Khashoggi character was a bad guy, but that has nothing to do with your decision. To the credit of the copywriter for the statement, he captures Trump’s voice in the phrase referring to his knowledge of the murder: maybe he did and maybe he didn’t!! One final point. What’s with all the exclamation points? It sounds like a rant on Twitter by someone who lacks an understanding of language.

That being said, we may never know all of the facts surrounding the murder of Mr. Jamal Khashoggi. In any case, our relationship is with the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. They have been a great ally in our very important fight against Iran. The United States intends to remain a steadfast partner of Saudi Arabia to ensure the interests of our country, Israel and all other partners in the region. It is our paramount goal to fully eliminate the threat of terrorism throughout the world!

Commentary: Quit trying to figure out what happened to Mr. Khashoggi. Again, it doesn’t matter. We’re staying with the Crown Prince. Plus, I’ve still got a duffle bag of free drink tickets for Emirates.

I understand there are members of Congress who, for political or other reasons, would like to go in a different direction — and they are free to do so. I will consider whatever ideas are presented to me, but only if they are consistent with the absolute security and safety of America. After the United States, Saudi Arabia is the largest oil producing nation in the world. They have worked closely with us and have been very responsive to my requests to keeping oil prices at reasonable levels — so important for the world. As President of the United States I intend to ensure that, in a very dangerous world, America is pursuing its national interests and vigorously contesting countries that wish to do us harm. Very simply it is called America First!

Commentary: Sure, many members of Congress disagree with my position for reasons that have nothing to do with making America great. Hey, it’s a free country. As long as they express views that align with mine, I will absolutely consider them. Before signing off, I want everyone to appreciate that Saudi Arabia has done their part to keep oil prices down, which by itself would be enough to give them a pass on the murder. Then, you throw in all the money they’re spending with us, and it’s the easiest decision I’ve had since investing in Will Rogers Follies so Marla could act. Did I mention the world is a “dangerous place”?

 

Once again proving that life is better than fiction.

Happy Thanksgiving!